First soup in the new house

The first attempt at dinner we made at our new house turned out a little better than our attempts in the dorm. The intention was to make Rice-a-Roni, add ground turkey, and eat. Heh.

Recipe #0:
Rice-a-Roni soup.

2 Boxes Rice-a-Roni
1lb. Ground Turkey ($2.57)
1 tin peaches ($1.50)
1lb. Broccoli ($1.90)
Oil
Seasoning
Water
Plastic spoon

In a stockpot, combine two boxes Rice-a-Roni, five cups water, and four chimpanzees* of oil. Heat to a boil and tell a roommate to stir with a plastic spoon. Do not remove spoon from pot. In a frying pan, put a chimp** of oil and the ground turkey. With a spatula, chop at the turkey and move it around and such until it turns into globs the size of the roommate's little toe. Do not add the toe to the mix. When the turkey is done, check the spoon. If it now looks like a ladle, boil off some of the water, realize that the Rice-a-Roni is no longer Rice-a-Roni, and ask another roommate if soup is ok for dinner and assume he (or she) answers that he (or she) will eat whatever you cook, as you are such a lovely cook. If the spoon has not properly transmogrified, don't fret. Pretend it has, and buy a spoon made of softer plastic for the next experiment meal. Realize that the turkey fat needs to be drained, open the tin of peaches, drain the liquid into a cup, and spoon the fat into the tin. Put the peach liquid into the turkey and let it heat a while. After boredom has struck, put the turkey into the rice, call any remaining roommates, add water to the goo to make it look like soup, add whatever else is on hand to make it taste like a nice batch of Rice-a-Roni was just slaughtered, and serve. The peaches can be served, or eaten by the chef(s).

* A chimpanzee is the amount of liquid able to be poured in the time it takes to say "One chimpanzee"
** A chimp is less than a chimpanzee